Food is Not the Fix

Spaciousness, Non-attachment, and Emptiness, are concepts I have been exploring ever more deeply, through direct experience. These states, when embodied well, cause a relaxation of my nervous system and an expansive feeling of relief and deep well-being. I believe this is universally true. It seems strange then, that we humans tend to mount so much daily resistance to these higher states of great calm and well-being.

We use food, drugs, sex, busyness, talking, endless socializing, internet-scrolling, shopping, and acquiring more stuff, achievements, associations and identities - to resist the spaciousness and emptying that could actually bring us the well-being we are searching for. I chose “Food” in my title because it affects all of us, virtually every day, and it has become a primary ‘drug of choice’ for most people.

By tuning in to how we may be using any ONE of the strategies I listed (or others I missed), we have a powerful portal through which we can approach the healing path of spaciousness and emptying.

Food is of course an external substance needed to support life, via nutrients and fuel for our cells. Yet in our modern psyches it has taken on a much larger role than its natural intention. People commonly (and often unwittingly) use food for comfort, entertainment, stimulation, to fill a void, and to attempt to mitigate a whole range of uncomfortable and undesired physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms.

What is it that scares us about the space that opens up, and the sensations that arise, when we skip a meal, or even two, or three? What deters us from keeping the meals that we do need very simple and pure? How is it that we have convinced ourselves that the pleasure derived from the fancy or hyper-palatable meal (or other diversion) is greater than the pleasure we could derive from the spacious state which arises when we heed the timeless message: ‘less is more’?

You’ve likely had the experience that when releasing attachments there can be an uncomfortably odd sensation at first, but that is soon followed by a sense of relief and opening that is more satisfying than the surface pleasures we ordinarily seek. Why is the well-being that is felt in the more spacious, less-attached experience more rewarding? I believe it’s because in those emptier spaces, beyond our compulsive everyday thoughts and behaviors, we catch a glimpse of an expansive capacity that feels gently radiant, relaxing, and inspired. We feel the pulse of the current of life, which flows with a steady eternity beneath our endless seeking, and our fearful distracting and distancing. It’s like the glimpse we catch when we gaze deeply into the eyes (portal to the soul) of another human.

In the moment of discomfort, it’s easier to grab a snack, or plan an indulgent meal to anticipate. What if, instead, we allowed that moment of discomfort to invite us into a moment of honest self-inquiry? Am I truly experiencing physiological hunger, or thirst? If so, how do I know that, and what would be the most nourishing food or drink for my body? Or am I feeling a stirring of something else - something I may not understand immediately? Am I experiencing physical symptoms of cleansing and detoxification (a headache, irritability, restlessness, dizziness, a rumbling in the gut)? Am I in need of rest and de-stimulation? Is there some emotional residue coursing through my body that wants my awareness and presence?

The first step in disrupting an unhealthy habit is to press the PAUSE button. Without an intentional pause, initiated by our higher Self, our robotically habitual, autopilot smaller self will keep gleefully running the show. So how do we find the pause button in such a fast and noisy, run-on world? For myself, and for so many I have witnessed through my coaching practice, it’s when the discomfort is no longer resolved through the usual strategies. THIS is an uncomfortable realization, for sure! But it’s a blessing, because it’s the beginning of the awakening path.

The next time you witness yourself compulsively reaching for food (of any kind!), or you catch your mind dwelling on what your next enticing meal will be - I invite you to call on your higher Self to press the PAUSE button. Just stop for a moment. Allow the discomfort to arise and be seen and felt by you. Just BE with it. I promise you, it won’t actually hurt you. Quite possibly, it will pass as quickly as it came, and you will be amazed by how insignificant it was! But if the discomfort persists, start a self-inquiry with the questions I offered, or any others that bubble up into your awareness. With just a little practice, this process will become second-nature and often almost instantaneous. You are honing your self-awareness, and your capacity to simply be PRESENT with what you are really feeling, needing, or experiencing in the moment.

You are cultivating your ability to sense when you are about to REACT to a passing discomfort, and learning to transform that impulse into a wise RESPONSE, instead, such as stillness and presence. This opens the way for more frequent glimpses of the spacious, unattached awareness that leads naturally into an expansive and deeply pleasurable feeling of a grounded knowing of natural well-being. A well-being that is not generated by impulsive attempts to prevent or avoid the discomforts of everyday life. A well-being that is grounded in the confident capacity to face and attend to the discomforts directly - through an intentional PAUSE, and self-inquiry - and frequent remembering of the ‘way back home.’

I have a musician friend who likens this to the sense of relief and satisfying resolution we experience when a well-crafted piece of music brings us frequently back to the home chords or chorus. I love this idea of learning to communicate with ourselves (and others!) in this context of returning back to home-base frequently, reminding ourselves of our essential grounding place where all is naturally well. This can look like a simple quick pause, perhaps with a self-inquiry, or a longer pause such as a quiet walk or sit in the woods, where Nature will gently guide us back home.

It’s when the relentless stresses of modern living are not short-circuited frequently enough, that we develop compulsive habits around food and other distractions. Eating the healthiest of nature’s foods - when we are truly physiologically hungry - IS, and is meant to be, a pleasurable and rewarding experience. When we are relating to food in this way, it is relegated to its appropriate role - nothing more and nothing less. And our remaining energy is freed up for the highest experiences in life.

When we instead are trapped in a relentless cycle of distraction, false reward, and avoidance of discomfort, we deprive ourselves of the real magic that is felt in the beautiful, joyful spaciousness of fearless non-attachment. Non-attachment to stimulating foods or other distractions, non-attachment to outcomes or control, non-attachment to our many identities and roles, and even non-attachment to relationships with other people. I am not advocating for any kind of dogmatic perfectionism (that is yet another form of attachment!) - just bringing ourselves, with courage and honesty, into greater awareness and presence and allowing our choices to flow from there.

In a world filled to overload with stimulation, drama, distractions, confusion and excess of every kind, SPACIOUS AWARENESS is the way home. The simplest way to begin is to exercise the PAUSE, frequently - try every hour! - and to practice just BE-ing with any discomfort that may arise when you momentarily ‘pull over to the shoulder’ and let the outer world race on by without you. What are you afraid you will miss out on?

If you’re not truly hungry for food when the habitual mealtime arises, simply don’t eat. Have a cup of tea or a glass of water, and come into quiet presence. Pay attention to what you are really feeling. Observe the sensations moving through your body, the thoughts flowing through your mind. Watch the leaves flutter in the breeze. Listen to the sounds of nature. Let there be SPACE. Let your physical, mental and emotional bodies empty out now and then. Give it all a longer pause, a longer rest, a bigger space. Indulge in the pleasure of emptying out, letting go, and releasing what is not essential to your well-being.

Living in, and from a van this summer is my own wonderful invitation into deeper layers of this emptying path. My daily life, and food, is even simpler than my usual patterns. There are new tasks, such as filling the fresh-water tank and emptying the gray-water tank, whisking out the flies and bugs, finding shady parking places, making adjustments several times daily for climate-control in the non-air-conditioned living space of the van, mindfully packing up and closing up whenever I need to drive anywhere, or use the living space for another activity, and frequently sweeping the tiny floor-space inhabited by my shaggy dog. I have developed a rhythm with these simple tasks, and I know it will feel strange at first to re-inhabit a regular kind of house. I am positioned in the flow of fresh air 24/7, and subjected to the comforts and discomforts of all kinds of weather, and this may be what I will miss the most. I have a feeling that after I move into my new house later this summer, I will be taking frequent PAUSES of the longer kind, to return to the spacious simplicity of van-life.