Priorities, Prioritized

Decision-making made easier

Rumi said, “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”

I have made a number of big, consequential life-decisions over the last few short years, and I got to thinking about how I might articulate how these decisions came about. I see people often becoming somewhat paralyzed in their decision-making process, or deeply bogged down and frustrated, feeling stuck and indecisive, doubtful or overwhelmed. I have experienced this, too. What has freed me the most, I think, is getting very clear, both about my priorities and about what I am willing to trade for them. The important distinction is that this clarity most often comes through action, rather than before action. I learn by doing, more effectively than by thinking about doing, yet paradoxically it is stillness that initiates my aligned movement.

With every decision we make in life, we let go of other options. Sometimes it’s easy simply because we don’t like or prefer the other options, but most often there is a more nuanced process of discernment required. People get stuck in resistance because they don’t want to let go, and commit to action. The reason this feels so hard, is because they believe they need full clarity or certainty before taking action. Sometimes it appears that there is a lot at stake. I realize I have generally been winding my way through life with a “ready, Fire, aim” approach. Stillness is the readying step. It is in the aiming, once I am in motion, that I begin to know with fuller clarity what is most important, and what I am willing to trade for that. This then guides my next steps.

Sometimes we can have it all…but not all at once. It’s a matter then of prioritizing our priorities! I don’t have my Peace Pilgrim book with me in the van, but I remember her being very clear about her 3 priorities, and the order she had them in. At the start of her journey, ‘walking 25,000 miles for peace’ was priority #1, and she therefore would not accept rides to speaking engagements. After she had put into action and then accomplished her walking goal, public speaking became her #1 priority for sharing her message about peace, and she began to accept rides so that she could appear at more speaking engagements. (I can’t remember what her third priority was.) What I am sharing is that she allowed for her priorities to shift order organically, once she was in action for her purpose.

When I moved to Florida 5 years ago, my kids were grown and off on their own, and I felt my priority shift more to my own health ideals, and I desired to experience a healthier warm sunny sub-tropical climate, with better access to fresh tropical fruits. I let go of all the wonderful and demanding complexity I had worked for 10 years to create on my Michigan homestead, and simply went to the place in Florida that I already knew and loved from former annual travels. I did not have a plan for how long I would stay or what I would do, I just knew I wanted to have the experience of really living there. Now 5 years later, with my children all located in Michigan again and more grandchildren arriving, my #1 priority has organically shifted to being fully available for my new important and rewarding role in my family. I didn’t realize how I would feel until the first grandchild arrived, and my connection with him was mostly limited to face-time calls since we lived so far apart, and visits were expensive and complicated to arrange.

In order to move back to Michigan, I had to be willing to let go of a lifestyle and a community I had grown to love in Florida. Not only that, I ended up having to let go of a significant amount of money in order to sell my Florida house when the market there was starting to plummet. If my priorities were not so clear, I might have floundered with that test. Instead, knowing my new focus, I saw a middle way which would have involved renting out the house until the market recovered. I got myself clear on how much money I was willing to part with in order to move forward without the hassle of renting (and waiting to buy in Michigan). I accepted and made peace with the possibility that I might need to find tenants to rent to (if I couldn’t find a buyer to meet my bottom line). Now I was calm and steady in heart and mind, because I knew I was committed to moving forward in honoring my new priority in Michigan very soon - I just didn’t know exactly how the process would flow and unfold.

Within a few weeks of that calm resolution, a perfect buyer appeared and made an offer that more than met my needed terms. Once that transaction happened, I had to make a decision about where to live in Michigan. My three children are spread across the state. I decided to get myself to Michigan (‘start to walk on the way’), and then to watch and listen. I had paved the way for an easy flexibility with the purchase and build-out of the camper-van. Soon, my son found his dream property in the countryside near our hometown of Ann Arbor, and announced that they were expecting a baby. I knew now where I wanted to be. I began to look for homes near his new homestead, and ultimately realized that as much as I love living in the quiet country spaciousness, this time I would buy a small, low maintenance place in town so that I would be available to invest my energy helping my son and his new family (while enjoying the spacious country place he had manifested!).

Again, within weeks of that clarity, a simple and comfortable, move-in-ready home on a tiny lot became available in the closest village, and I acted swiftly and decisively (there were multiple offers on the house so there was no time to delay, if I wanted it!). After the transaction was complete, I removed myself from the daily realtor-listing emails so that I would not feel distracted by any missed opportunities. (There are always missed opportunities! And always new ones on the horizon.) I had made my commitment, and I wanted my energy refocused on my purpose.

As I have been sharing the events of my recent journey back to Michigan, I have received comments that the flow has been ‘magical,’ or ‘like a story-book.’ While I have most certainly felt a divine hand in all the synchronicities of its unfolding, I don’t want to leave my readers with an overly glossy version! I walked through a spiritual fire in the letting go process, and I worked very hard for many weeks to pull off the cross-country move, and to have a van functional enough to live in. Despite all the many challenges in the transition (which is ongoing, as I have not yet moved into my new house), there has been an underlying ease and steady confidence, because I am following my heart’s knowing.

It is in stillness, and silence, and in the wilds of nature that I am able to hear my heart’s knowing. Always there are conflicting messages and distractions, and without sufficient stillness it is easy to feel confused and disempowered. For me, confusion is an invitation into more stillness. Nature quiets the mind and invites the heart to speak and be heard. I heard, and felt, a very strong message to return to family, in a newly spacious and easeful way. So far, it has been absolutely delightful to camp out in my van on my son’s brand new peaceful acreage, and to help in the first phase of renovations here.

Next week, more family will arrive to celebrate my son’s marriage and new homestead. After that, it will soon be time for me to move into my own new home nearby. I look forward to creating a little sanctuary for myself there, and finding my favorite peaceful local nature-spots. I look forward to visiting my daughters on the other side of the state, and returning to Florida with my van in wintertimes. My purpose here is clear to me, yet I am quietly excited for all the unknown adventures ahead. Plenty of stillness, especially in nature, will always be my grounding rod - my reminder of the simple, eternal truth of what is unchanging and steady beneath the surface complexity of life’s decision-making.