Putting Stress into the Healthy Zone
Exploring the REAL problem with stress, and a powerful solution.
We tend to talk about stress like it's the "big bad destroyer." It certainly can be, but it's usually not the stressor itself that harms our health. Stress has been defined as “a constraining force or influence,” as well as “the body’s response to the pressure.” The major effect on our health can be found in our response to stress, and in our perceptions about life. In other words, it's usually our psychologically self-created stress - or resilience - that has the greatest impact on our overall health. There are more external stressors in today's world than perhaps there have ever been, so living around stress is an inevitable part of daily life for virtually everyone.
I am not suggesting that injury or illness does not negatively impact our health, at least temporarily. But how we choose to live with the injury or illness will profoundly affect the influence and outcome. Even in the case of most large traumas (whether to the body or the psyche or both), our perceptions about it and our relationship with it will determine the outcome.
We're told we must learn to "manage" stress, but I prefer to imagine that we can "befriend" stress, and learn to get along with it. Sometimes it is stress that prompts us to step out of our comfort zone and to be especially creative, or to remove ourself from an unhealthy situation, make new and better lifestyle choices, and let positive change happen in our lives. Without the discomfort of stress, we might not have the opportunities and impetus to keep becoming the next best version of ourself.
Just as uncomfortable dis-ease symptoms can be guiding lights pointing us toward better health, all the stresses or traumas we experience can be viewed in this way too, if we choose (and asking for help when needed, is part of making this choice). Maybe it's not always the stress itself that is the guide, but rather our experience of, or interaction with, the stress.
Let's use the example of financial stress: let’s say a person's savings have been depleted and they are barely able to cover their monthly bills. One person might despair, "This is so terrible and frightening!" yet another person might ask themselves with curiosity, “I wonder what is being asked of me right now?” or, “I wonder what positive shift I could make?” or “What meaning could I bring to this situation, or what new inspiration could I find here?”
I have found that I can move my experience of stress on a scale from negative to more positive by consciously shifting my reaction away from fear and resistance, and toward curiosity and wonder. Sometimes this means leaning right into my fear, and it doesn’t mean my experience will suddenly become easy - but it can become meaningful in a constructive, inspiring way. The next time you catch yourself feeling worried, fearful, discouraged, angry, exhausted or frustrated about a situation (or an imagined situation), ask some high-quality questions like the ones above, and try on a simple but powerful shift of perception. It's a choice!
Remember that worry, fear, and discouragement can become the impetus for positive actions which will transform our experience of stress, and contribute to our growth and self-development. Stress is really nothing more than a challenge, and when we face challenges with emotional poise and perhaps even a sense of adventure, we can rocket ourselves toward self-discovery, happier choices, and self-improvement. Stress does not have to tear us down or overwhelm us - it’s our internal stories about the stress that can do that to us. On the contrary, stress can help us grow new muscles and build ourselves up - if we keep a healthy perspective. Without stress, we might not grow, or ever know the depths of our own resourcefulness and resilience.
In my own experience, sometimes I find myself needing to discern if I am being guided to stay the course with a situation, and take more self-responsibility in it. Or, conversely, if I am being shown that it is time for me to find the courage to let go of something that is no longer serving me well, and make choices that open the way and bring new life circumstances for me to work with.
I tend to have a burning desire to learn and grow, and even so I often find myself curious as to whether my best growth will come from staying the course and learning to do it differently, or changing my course in a bigger way externally. Ultimately, I know that either of these choices will bring about growth, so I can’t really go wrong, as long as I decide to bring positive purpose to the situation. Realizing this simple truth has helped me to take action rather than feel stuck - whether a small deliberate action taken in-place, or a big physical shift of environment.
Perhaps my deepest and most effective personal strategy, when external stressors feel especially challenging and my internal stories about them try to have the upper hand, causing negative stress in my mind and body, is to remind myself that my true home, my most important relationship, and all my truest riches, are within me and cannot be damaged or taken without my permission. It’s a powerful reminder of what I am really made of, and choosing these thoughts always has a deeply calming affect on me. Even knowing that I may still need to take some external actions to improve my situation, it’s very helpful to first reconnect with my true roots, and my inner resources.
And, I believe it is always worth saying that whatever we can do to reduce the accumulation of all toxicity in our bodies, will have a beneficial effect on our ability to access these beautiful and empowering inner resources, as well as afford us the energy and insight needed to initiate desired or necessary life-changes.
Excellent points here - thanks Ellen - Yes, I've seen this -not so much stress is the problem, but our response to it. As a musician, the whole emotional power of music comes from the interaction between tension (stress) and resolution. I just did a short talk on this - "the Healing Power of Music" and the importance of tension/resolution in music and in our lives - https://youtu.be/aMKTn9kg_pc
Very helpful, thank you!